Post Apocalupsis
London
Jed
“What’s the matter?” Granny is asking, while she rolls the bandage round my head. Granny is so kind to me, she never asks real questions, just helps when she feels I want to talk. She could have said I was mad doing things like this, endangering my own self. She could have tempered me, as grandpa used to do when I was young, saying I shouldn’t go crazy like that, that it’s no good. No, she just asks this silent and simple question. She just wonders how I am going.
“What’s the matter?”
“Julian has left.”
“And? You loved him?”
She surprises me by this very direct question.
“I- I don’t know. I was just fine with him. And now he leaves; without even saying a word.”
“You know, sometimes, people don’t feel good inside. And don’t have the courage to explain. Sometimes people think they love you when they don’t, when they are just feeling well with you.”
“But I was okay with this!”
“Yes, well, maybe Julian wasn’t. He didn’t seem so well when he left.”
“You saw him, then?”
“Yes I did. He had this emptiness in his eyes. I saw he had taken his decision.”
“Oh…”
“By the way, Jed, please don’t do that again. You’ll hurt yourself one of these days. Plus, the walls are not so solid to bear your wrath.”
She smiles at me, then put her left parchment-like hand on mine. Her violet eyes plunge in mine.
The door opens suddenly on Ariane, asking what had happened. She was in Central London, came as quick as possible, when Grandpa called, this morning. I didn’t want her to know. Granny gets up, and leaves her sit to Ariane. She goes to the living room, saying she has some knitting to do.
Ariane puts her hand on my left cheek, softly foundling it.
“So, that happened again, little Fenrir.”
“Yes it did. There are times I can’t control myself.”
“I know, since that time when I used to steal your toys.”
I can’t control myself anymore and falls into her arms, crying.
“Will you stay until Christmas for me, please?”
“Yes, no problem. I’ll call Martin this evening. He will understand. Anyway, he has always hated Chrissie.”
I hold her firmer. I can’t control this desperate sobbing. I sometimes feel I am so silly, crying for someone who doesn’t give a fuck about my wretched self.
I stop my sobbing for a second, to ask a final question to Ariane.
“Can we sleep together tonight?”
“Yes, my Jeddie. Hey, stop crying, and look at the sky.”
Up in the cold blue sky, the moon was full.